Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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