well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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