i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
