Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
