I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
