You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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