her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
