just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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