theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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