if you like me you must not know who I am
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
