I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
