did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
