I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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