Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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