How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
