I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
