i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
