i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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