the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
