yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
