Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
