just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
