After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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