you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
