Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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