ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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