I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
