Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
is wine microwaveable?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
