We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
