STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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