M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
