He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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