I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
