I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
