Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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