At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
