Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
