I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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