just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
