Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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