If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
