you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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