Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You dont lie about slip and slides
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
