If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
