I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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