What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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