I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
