Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
