And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
