Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
