you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
