If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
